eXXXon

what are we at now-- 6? 7? 15? tiger woods' pr team should stop scrambling for damage control at this point. cocktail waitresses and Z-list porn star hopefuls all over the country are coming out of the woods-work (hehe) with dirty texts and voicemails and stories about his allegedly giant penis. his goody goody woody image has more holes in it than a free condom from the cambridge pro-life society. not that he used condoms. allegedly. and now everyone is wondering how he'll ever keep his endorsements without that image. which would be tragic because endorsing products is what tiger woods does for a living-- it's his occupation in life.

word to woods' pr team-- ditch the image. get a new one. it can be done. it has been done. just look at madonna, or michael jackson, or mr. potato head. i absolutely do not subscribe to the belief that the public is very forgiving. it is, however, very forgetful. it's like an epidemic of mediamnesia, and you should ride it all the way to graceland. the goody two shoes image only goes so far anyway, it's actually shocking that tiger woods has made it work for so long. props to you, team. but now with this recent event still unfolding, why not consider the bad boy image? i have total confidence that your client is cool enough to pull it off. he made golf seem exciting, for gods sake. and a whole new world of endorsements is out there. gatorade might have dropped you (fear not, it's temporary), but what about something like monster energy drink? or magnum condoms, cars, underwear, batteries, axe body spray, text messaging (who's in your circle?), or my personal favorite, exxon mobile, if they brought back their old slogan: put a tiger in your tank. and they could change their name to eXXXon~ sexy gas for sexy people. it would be a hit.

srsly. think about it. call me.