you may have noticed a correlation between the rising rate of obesity in this country and our progressive destruction of the environment and ozone layer. as we continue to gorge ourselves and grow fatter and fatter, we incessantly debate global warming and lag in taking any measures to scale back our hand in the changing temperatures, rising sea levels, and melting ice caps around the globe. i believe that this correlation explains our attitude about the environment and our attitude about our fat (or "fattitude"). americans everywhere are putting on the pounds and wrapping themselves in fatty layers, subconsciously preparing for one of 2 catastrophic situations:
1) the polar ice caps melt, oceans rise and flood the continents. normals drown. fit-and-trims swim, exhaust their energy, then drown. fatties float.
2) a new ice age dawns. everyone freezes. fatties walk around in mumus and tshirts. build a new society.
the earth is dying. it would be impossible to demand that every one of us and our farming corporations go vegan and green overnight, we cease air travel, ban all but bikes and public transportation, and outlaw nascar. getting fat, however, we can do. it is a change we can believe in. not damage prevention, but damage preparation. so be a good american and do your part. live large, drive often, and eat like your buoyancy and heat retention depend on it.
Go U.S.A! We will prevail!
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