napasaurus

occasionally i poke him to make sure he's still alive.

happy thanksgiving

bowie says, hope your turkey day was tryptophantastic!

poke me

i have the same 2 rules for anesthesiologists as i do for sexual partners: you better know how and where to stick it, and you better get it right on the first try.

in either situation, i really don't think it's too much to ask.

bowie

we adopted a 2 yo beagle over the weekend from lucky dogs animal rescue. we named him bowie. he was dumped at a high-kill shelter in south carolina and scheduled to be euthanized until lucky dogs found him. they couldn't tell us for sure why he was dumped, but they think maybe he just wasn't that great at hunting. the shelter in south carolina didn't bother to get an excuse or explanation from bowie's previous owner, but from what i've observed, it's clear that this person did not just abandon bowie. bowie is scared of hands. hands that pet, hands that feed. he can hardly eat a treat when we hold it out to him, and prefers when we drop it on the floor. after it's on the floor, he'll look around nervously, then back away, sometimes leaving it there for a few minutes before going back to find it again. other strange quirks: he is terrified of certain people, terrified to the point where he freezes up, cowers, and trembles violently until they go away. and even after they pass, he'll look back for a while to make sure they're really really gone. i've tried to calm him down with treats, but he gets too panicked to eat. said people usually fit a particular bill: tall, old, bald or balding, heavy set, and almost always white. i'm not kidding. i have a racist dog.

so this goes out to the anonymous balding fat old shit who gave my dog PTSD so extreme that he can't even bring himself to eat BACON after seeing someone who just vaguely resembles you:

i hope that you live a long life, and that it is replete with unending failure, disappointment, and heartache. and when the moment comes for you to leave this earth, i hope you lie there utterly alone, fully aware that every failure, disappointment, and heartache was caused by your own incompetence, idiocy, and overall worthlessness, and there is nothing else for you to blame.

i also hope you die of botulism.

love is a butt-shaft

i keep coming across this quote:
"They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love." William Shakespeare

now, i don't know what clicheromanticlovequotes.com site control-effed "love" to list all of these quotes together under "william shakespeare" without so much as a line break probably due to limited web design skills, but judging by the way it's spread like wildfire in that exact order across the universe of facebook, i feel there has been a mixup. in case anyone is confused, they are 3 different quotes from 3 different plays with 3 different meaning in 3 very different contexts. they don't make sense grouped together. actually, the last quote isn't even supposed to make sense on it's own. they're also all from comedies, so the seriousness with which people seem to be taking these quotes is kind of amusing to me. to clarify:

They do not love that do not show their love. ~ Julia, The Two Gentlemen of Verona
Context: silly little girl gossips with her maid about the boy she likes, and even though she won't admit that she likes this boy (teehee), she still tries to coax the maid into saying the boy likes her, because honestly what do silly little girls like hearing more than that? so julia says that if a boy doesn't show that he likes you, by... i dunno, his face exploding into a bloody pulp of poetry every time he sees you then it must mean that he doesn't like you. or like like you. her maid responds, they love least that let men know their love. as in, pompous prattling idiots who dither on and on about how much they like like you are probably just pompous prattling idiots who dither. quote's not really about true love, and neither is the play, honestly. the boy ends up dropping julia like it's hot for some other pyt before intermission. at which point the maid should have sassed, ain't no boy who keeps his heart in his codpiece worth tears, gurl, shiet.

The course of true love never did run smooth. ~ Lysander, A Midsummer Night's Dream
Context: hermia's dad says she can't marry lysander because... he's her dad and he fucking said so. and he gives her 3 choices: 1) do what he says and ditch lysander for his man, demetrius, 2) become a nun, 3) die. lysander and hermia are dismayed. hermia especially. so lysander tries to console her, the course of true love never did run smooth. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. she's looking at a nunnery or death, which either way means she's going to die a virgin, and you say the equivalent of "shit happens"? fail. spoiler #2, he takes her to the forest and then drops her like it's hot for some other pyt. to his credit, it has to do with magic. that's probably the most important lesson you could learn from this play: you can't fight magic. also someone turns into a donkey.

Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love. ~ Adriano de Armado, Love's Labour's Lost
Context: armado is a fucking idiot. i'm not insulting him, that's what he's supposed to be. shakespeare was most likely making fun of the king of spain and his armada. armada, armado, get it? the main event of love's labour's lost is the terrifically terrible love poetry from all of the male characters. that's how the play goes. the smitten men write hilariously bad poetry, and the women laugh at them. we are wise girls to mock our lovers so. armado's quote is not supposed to be profound or romantic. it's supposed to be nonsense, stupid nonsense, because armado is stupid and a spaniard and has a very loose grasp of the english language. in fact, those 3 gems lie within a full-on soliloquy's worth of his moronic genius, which also includes the line,cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for hercules' club." haaaaaaaaaa, that's what she said.

ah, shakespeare. what a romantic.

unpackrastinate

we have been in dc for 1.5 weeks now, and for obvious reasons having to do with the fact that i am me, we are still not fully unpacked. considering i'm up at 6 to make breakfast and pack lunch, you would think that at some point in my 18-hour day i would find time to do this, but i have miraculously failed. yesterday i made an attempt, but after about a half hour of emptying a bag of clothes onto the floor and shuffling the massive pile to different areas of the floor, i was suddenly struck by a desperate need to get to the only asian market in town in order to make dinner. and in order to get to the market i needed a smartcard for the bus, and in order to get a smartcard i needed to go to CVS. and also i wanted to make pastry tart dough. so after i did that, i walked to the bus stop and gave the driver a dollar because i forgot to go to CVS. after the bus ride, i walked 4 blocks to hana market, which was closed. which was not at all problematic, since i had already gone to whole foods after yoga that morning and picked up everything i needed for dinner that night as well as for boyfriend's lunch the next day. so why did i feel the need to go to hana market? because i didn't want to unpack and my brain invented a distraction to trick me. damn brain. damn unpacked bags. but today, TODAY, i am determined to unpack everything. today is the day. i also need to go to yoga, marinate ribs, figure out what to pack boyfriend for lunch tomorrow that will one-up today's chicken tacos with guac and salsa, visit the smithsonian, finish a poem, start on sta's book, and bake a pie. but after that i will unpack everything. i swear. today is the day.