crying wolf

sometimes when i walk around with my male friends or boyfriend or aslan, i start walking a little faster to pull ahead of them. once i'm far enough ahead, i throw quick glances over my shoulder, and clutch at my purse. and then as i pass a crowd i look behind me and say in a loud scared voice, STOP FOLLOWING ME, WHO ARE YOU!?

i've been told that one of these days a bystander would come to my rescue by tackling my prankee and beating the crap out of him or calling the cops, and i would learn my lesson. i responded that the real lesson was in the fact that no bystander ever came to my rescue, which says something about the fucked up state of people. upon further consideration though, i realize that the real real lesson in all this is the fucked up state of my mind that i would joke around about such a thing. pretty fucking terrible.

...but also pretty hilarious.

shit talkin'

just had a meeting with a pr rep from a furniture/knickknack/home decoration store. he asked if i was familiar with their brand since i was born and raised in california, and i fought the urge to say, yea you guys are the ones who fill up tj maxxxx and ross and all the brand name discount dress-for-less! stores with wooden mailboxes shaped like pigs and stone frogs dressed as butlers. he gave us gift cards, so if anyone wants a crystal tree branch candle holder or a linear clock that makes it impossible to actually tell the time, let me know. or maybe a deer head? according to the rep, deer heads are back.