grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

it's rather alarming how often this story appears in the news:

man mauled by tiger after scaling calgary zoo fences

it's good to know the tiger isn't being put down. i never understood why zoo animals ever had to be put down after attacking humans. the attacks are usually in response to taunting or someone climbing into their cage. i mean, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? human beings too often forget what pathetic puny creatures we are. we're like naked mole rats with only slightly better vision. in the especially stupid cases, like when people climb into a tiger cage or jump into the pool and swim towards a polar bear, i find myself quietly cheering for the animal. can you imagine how boring it must be to live in a zoo? these are wild animals, meant to be out in the vast untamed wilderness, running and fighting and hunting and killing and mating. instead, they're stuck in a cramped space that attempts to trick them into thinking they're actually out in the wild. they're not blind. they can see the crowds of slow moving fatties milling around just outside their reach, eating ice cream and cotton candy, holding silly balloons. scientists at zoos get so worried when their animals won't mate with each other. well maybe tony the tiger can't get it up because he feels emasculated by the all the times you dragged around a piece of bloody steak so that he would get excited and stalk it only to find in the end it's a neatly cut portion of an already dead thing. how demoralizing. so when one of those fatties who stand around and gawk at them all day so condescendingly actually starts to move within reach... can you imagine how intensely thrilling that must be? how fantastic an opportunity? it's funny that the zoo officials are making excuses for this tiger who clawed up of the idiots who climbed the fence. he was trying to defend himself. he was startled. are you kidding? the siberian tiger wasn't trying to defend himself from those two scrawny little dipshits. he was probably watching them the whole time as they clambered up and over those fences all giggly and uncoordinated-like. closer... just a little... bit... closer...... and then BAM! i'm a motherfuckin siberian tiger, bitch! even if i'm named like an opera singer!

muhahahahaha. pwned.