ahh real monsters!

For whatever reason, I've recently become obsessed with reported monster sightings around the world. Not real monster sightings... I mean, *scoff* unless you believe in that stuff *scoff* Like Bigfoot, the Lochness monster, or Tyra Banks sans make up. I don't really understand what the big deal is about finding monsters. Most of the more believeable sightings come from remote parts of the world, or the middle of large bodies of water, and honestly it just seems like a lot of work to go out looking for something that will probably eat you as soon as you find it. As for the really farfetched, impossible-to-believe-unless-you're-retarded reports, I don't really know what to make of those. Like pterodactyls in Texas? There have actually been quite a few reports down there, maybe we should change the name to Ptexas. What strikes me as strange is that when people report that they've sighted Bigfoot or the Lochness monster, they're feeding into an established legend, a cult history. If you can rig it up good enough on photoshop, you might even make it on to the lists of sightings that they have on about.com and maybe even wikipedia. Oh, the fascinating lives of the attention deprived. But pterodactyl sightings? Who makes up a story about a pterodactyl? Although I suppose if I were going to make up a dinosaur sighting, I would pick one that wouldn't necessarily leave any tracks, and could fly away just as a paleontologist or state trooper tried to verify my claim. Maybe its just a big thing in Ptexas. Who knows what crazy things (other than charging rape victims for test kits or teaching kids distorted facts/flat out lies about STDs and condoms on top of teaching abstinence-only) go on in that crazy state. But I was mulling it over anyway, and thought, wouldn't it just be hilarious if I moved to Ptexas, and built a top-secret Pterodactyl jet? I could hide it somewhere, like a bat cave (or in this case, a pterodactyl cave) and fly it out at night or on really really sunny days when the sky would be too bright for people to make out the bolts and screws, or the small Asian woman in the cockpit. Swoop down on ranches, and steal cows, or just milk them (against Ptexas law!). Seriously, how great would that be? So the ship-in-my-backyard dream has been pushed aside by this new, awesomer goal: build a pterodactyl jet. And pterrorize Ptexas.

Caw Caw!! RAAAH!!!