new office pet

i bought a marigold this morning. it's yellow, and looks like a puff ball of petals, as marigolds usually do. it reminds me of animal, the muppet. i was going to follow my instinct and name him Animal, but that just sounds taxonomically incorrect. so instead i named him Mufasa.



Mufasa is sunning right now. Pictures of the real Mufasa to come.

thank you for calling

i'm in my office early today because i was out sick yesterday, and felt motivated to get back to the people who were surely calling me after receiving my LAST CALL emails and tersely worded invoice/letters earlier in the week. i just finished checking 11 messages, all from the SAME PERSON. now, i understand that you really really want to get into the summer issue. i understand that you are panicked because you are past the deadline. but if you call me 7 times between the hours of 9:30 am and 5:30 pm, and do not get a hold of me, this could only mean one of 2 things: 1) i am ignoring your calls because, as we are both clearly aware, you are way past deadline, or 2) i am not in my office, and no matter how many times you call, my empty chair will continue to NOT answer your phone calls. i guess a third possibility could be that i was in a gruesome accident that severed both my arms, in which case i am physically unable to answer your calls and you should be a little more sensitive to my tragic situation. but fine. you were desperate. i can try to understand your 7 work-hours phone calls. what i truly cannot understand, however, is why you would call me 4 more times between the hours of 7pm and 1am! even if none of those three possibilities were true, and i miraculously just missed all of your calls and then my phone failed to notify me of your pending messages, i am obviously not here at midnight! why in god's name would i be?! it bothers me to hear your exasperated tone of voice in my phone 11 times at 9am in the morning, and it makes me incredibly irate that this exasperation stems from your inability to understand why i would not be in my office at 8 pm or 9pm or 1 o'clock in the middle of the night. so congratulations, lady. you have obliterated any and all motivation for me to help alleviate your hysteria over your irresponsibility and absent-mindedness that got you into this mess. i have received your messages. i know why you're calling, and i know what you want. so sit tight. i won't be calling you back until at least 3pm. on tuesday.

GOOD DAY, MADAME.