Monday, April 27, 2009

moooo

my lease has just started, and i'm already thinking about where to go next. thebestestthingever would be to go to the iowa writers workshop. i wanna. really really really. i reaaally want to go to the iowa writers workshop. real bad. maybe they'll help me find a better word to replace "really." i don't have enough in my portfolio to apply by next march, so i'm thinking of just moving there and having faith in my extremely great and super and awesome writing skillz. i should be able to get some sort of job there, at least enough to pay rent. so i looked up some apartments there.

O_O

MADRE DE DIOS it's cheap as DIRT. new york city rent costs have permanently deformed my perspective on the quality and value of living.


$600 / 1br - Charming One Bedroom (Iowa City) (map)


Reply to: hous-tpnex-1141884328@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-27, 12:38AM CDT


Charming One Bedroom Apartment available June 1st-July1st. $600/month, including utilities. Perfect for visiting writer, professor or artist.

* Furnished
* Top Floor of Old Farmhouse
* 20 minute walk to UI Campus
* Wide Plank Floors
* Clawfoot Tub
* Gas Stove
* Pets Negotiable (Deposit Required)

S Governer at Burlington (google map) (yahoo map)
  • cats are OK - purrr
  • Location: Iowa City
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

there are pictures: http://iowacity.craigslist.org/apa/1141884328.html. this is on the more expensive side. and by charming, these people actually mean "charming", and not "small as rat shit." the place is actually pretty big. and it's in a farmhouse. and there's a clawfooted tub! i've always dreamed of a clawfooted tub!! all for $300 less than what i'm paying now. the place is so cute... and i bet it smells like warm pancakes and cows in the morning. sigh.

so i think the plan is to move to iowa city (i only live in cities that start with the name of the state), live cheap and work some random job, write like a machine, and then apply. and if i don't get in, rinse & repeat. so that takes care of my plans for the next... at least 3 years of my life. sweet. now i can just dick around for the rest of this year.

haha, as if i wasn't doing that already.

Friday, April 24, 2009

war.

this morning during yoga, i saw the first mosquito of the summer. rather unfortunately i was in a headstand. it buzzed around my face, causing me to come crashing to the floor as i frantically tried to scare it away with facial contortions. it landed on the wall, and i scrambled for a tissue and smashed it. it almost got away, and when i opened my fist, i could see it fluttering and twitching in agony, buzzing for mercy, and with cold blood in my veins i closed my fist again and extinguished its little life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so it begins. ileen: 1, mosquitoes: 0.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

oh mah gaaahh!!!





i think i might adopt her. she's so freaking cute, looking at her photos reduces me to a hysterical giggling mess of incoherent blubbering.

they call her cici at the shelter, but that would obviously change. penelope maybe. or pinky.

Monday, April 20, 2009

poets & writers & bankers

tonight, i will be attending a very upscale work event at the new york stock exchange.what merited such an honor, you ask? i think it has to do in part with the fantastic job i'm doing, and in part because no one wants to go and poets&writers needs to have a rep there. :(

merrill lynch is hosting a poetry slam. what the fraggity frick, you ask? well, they say a retired soccer player will also be attending as a special guest. and there's a silent auction. and desserts. and now it makes sense.

merrill lynch and poetry? to be honest, i'm not entirely sure what merrill lynch does, but i'm sure it has nothing or at least very little to do with auden or ashbery or anaphora or alliteration. so what miracle could have caused such great shift in the alignment of our universe? has atlas shrugged? maybe obama? or perhaps there is no other explanation but that the eyes of the business world have lighted upon literature and poetry, and have recognized their importance in nourishing the spirit of our society, beautifying our darkest defects, and giving voice to our highest aspirations. oh frabjous day, callooh callay! writers and suit-clad workers of the world unite!


at least there's an open bar. i am going to gorge myself on olives.


UPDATE: the event was SOOOOOOOOOOOO
GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it started out on the trading floor, and we got to look at all the screens and keyboards and buttons and glowing scrolling numbers while drinking and eating brie and little thingies of ahi tuna and filet mignon and brioche. it was tres cool. sara and i wanted to take a picture looking up at the screens and screaming, like in the newspapers, but there was no photography allowed. still, lots of fun. also, kids reading poetry = mega cute.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

opus

The violinist in Grand Central sounded much improved today. I suppose that is to be expected when one plays for several hours a day in front of thousands of strangers. Maybe I should try it. Practice makes perfect. Highly publicized practice with the added bonus of some meager monetary gain makes quickened perfect.

meh? O_o


I have a deadline today, and 1000000000000000000000 x 3482 things to do, but my boss is in a meeting, which is why I'm blogging. I am utterly incapable of self-discipline, and have the attention span of a goldfish with a brain tumor. So until Tim gets out of his meeting, I literally cannot stop myself from typing away in this little box as precious minutes tick past, tick tick tick. As soon as he walks in I'll

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Maria Besadin

I don't like to use the word "assaulted" or "attacked" in cases of rape. To me, it makes the story sound nicer, makes the reader or listener wince less, which I don't believe in doing. So.

A woman was raped in a subway station. Her rapist touched her feet in the subway car, and she missed her stop where the only other passanger got off. She was stuck in the car alone with the rapist between the stop she missed and the stop she ran out to, but he didn't rape her in the car. Her rapist ran after her as she tried to escape to the world above. He wrapped his arms around her and dragged her down the stairs. A station attendant sat in his booth and watched them. He sat in his booth and watched as the man wrestled her to the ground and raped her. He pressed a button to call the police in some station far away from the woman being raped on the ground in front of his booth. The woman was screaming. The rapist stopped, dragged her to the end of the platform, hung her over the tracks, and told her to stop screaming.
Then he held her down and raped her again. A subway car pulled into the station, and the conductor saw a woman being raped. But he had to get going to his next stop, so he pressed a button to call the police in some station far away from the woman being raped on the ground next to his train, and drove away. The station attendant continued to sit in his booth and watch. He may have listened to her screams through the intercom. When the man was finished raping her, he got up, zipped up his pants, and left. The station attendant sat in his booth and watched him go, and then looked at the woman on the ground. He watched her cry. And then the police came, and he watched them pick up her pieces.

I wish this angered me. I wish that I could feel angry at the rapist and the people who did nothing. I wish I could feel outraged that the court ruled that the MTA and the conductor and station attendant who saw did nothing wrong. But I am not angry. I cannot make myself feel it. I am too overwhelmed by sorrow and fear. I wish that I, and this woman, and all other women, did not have to feel this fear to which bad men like the rapist, cowardly men like the station attendant and the train conductor, and righteous men like the judge have condemned us.

But Judge Kerrigan says, "This is not the type of egregious situation that offends common sense and decency ... where they watched and did nothing."

You clearly do not know the fear I feel, Judge, the fear that chokes me when it is dark and I am alone. You do not have the slightest perception of the shame and utter despair and horror that hollow out my chest and carve into my organs whenever I am alone and I cannot stop my mind from remembering. Do not speak of common sense and decency, Judge, for common sense and decency have left us. All that we have left to hold on to is fear.

Friday, April 3, 2009

dogsbite.org

OMG.

I just found this horrible web site, that touts itself as a "responsible dog ownership" site, but is in actuality (not that they really go to much trouble to pretend) an anti-pitbull and other dogs arbitrarily chosen because of isolated incidents or scary pictures they found off the internet. I do acknowledge that pitbulls are a very energetic and physically strong breed, and I agree with the few good and important points that this so-called organization hits upon. Unfortunately, it only hits on a FEW of them, just a FEW times, and then spouts of self-righteously about a bunch of other silly things, while grounding their self-righteousness in the fact that they happened to mention "owner responsibility" once. All dogs deserve good owners, not just pitbulls, you twats.

Pitbulls are not an actual breed. There is the American pit bull terrier aka American Staffordshire terrier, but the name "pitbull" has grown to include mixed dogs, or mutts, that display certain qualities, physical and behavioral, that the general public believes to be characteristic of a pitbull. The general public in my opinion is intellectually bereft on a lot more issues than dogs, so that should tell you something.

Truths mentioned in dogsbite.org:
- Pitbulls have a "prey drive": they stalk things, when things move fast or seem to be fleeing, they'll go for it, or at least really really want to.
- Pitbulls are bred to fight, and thus they usually, normally, do not to like other dogs.
- Pitbulls are very intelligent. This means they can usually figure out a way to escape confinement.

These are all true. The way dogsbite.org presents these facts, however, is distorted at best, and utterly ridiculous and ignorant at... well, what it actually is.

Pitbulls came into existence through dogfighting. They are bred to fight. This is why a responsible owner would never trust their pit NOT to fight with other dogs, but it also means a lot more than people think. It takes a damn lot of work to raise a fighting dog. Dogfighting in the ghetto today most likely has little in common (other than cruelty) with dogfighting back in the day when it was organized and legal. So let's think about organized dog fighting, since that is the origin of the "breed", and the original breed's characteristics are still considered their natural, normal temperament in the present.

Organized dogfighting = betting = money = people putting in lots of time and effort.

Trainers would spend most of their time with their dogs. They trained them to attack on command, fight well (this means teaching the dog technique), and stop on command. Point? Pitbulls
listen and obey. Wikipedia explains:

They were also bred to be intelligent and level-headed during fights and remain non-aggressive toward their handlers. Part of the standard for organized dog-fighting required that the match referee who is unacquainted with the dog be able to enter the ring, pick up a dog while it was engaged in a fight, and get the respective owner to carry it out of the ring without being bitten. Dogs that bit the referee were culled.

As a result, Victorian fighting dogs (Staffordshire Bull Terriers and, though less commonly used as fighters, English Bull Terriers) generally had stable temperaments and were commonly kept in the home by the gambling men who owned them.

There is another pitbull tendency that dogsbite.org does not mention-- pits really like people. And by like, I mean LOVE. And by people I mean ALL people, not just owners, not just nice people, not just big or small people-- EVERYONE. Which makes sense because they were trained by humans, surrounded by humans all the time, taken care of by humans when they got hurt in fights, and rewarded by humans when they won. Pits that bit the hand that fed them, or any other part of the body, were NOT bred. Humans are, socially, their scene. Other dogs are not.

Dogsbite.org also bashes pitbull owners who don't know how to control or confine their dogs properly. The kind of "control" and "confinement" that they're envisioning is not the meaning of responsible ownership. A responsible dog owner understands their dog's breed, and its expected temperament. A responsible dog owner also understands his/her dog's personal temperament and quirks. Thus, a responsible pitbull owner would never keep their pitbull chained up in a tiny yard, nor would they keep a bunch of them all together, nor would they leave them without supervision. So when you hear stories about people getting mauled by 10 dogs that all came from the same yard, or someone getting too close to a pit that was chained to a post, you have to look at the owner, and NOT the dog. What kind of person keeps a pitbull chained for full days? What kind of person keeps a whole bunch of pitbulls in a yard, when pitbulls are naturally inclined to fight each other? Stupid people, that's who. And it's more than likely that they own the pitbull in the first place for a bad reason-- to dogfight or to scare people off.

When dogs are cared for improperly, they will become aggressive and a little bit psychotic. They're just dogs-- it's not that hard to mentally break them down, which why they're so vulnerable and need us so badly. This is true for ALL dogs, which I think is a crucial fact that people tend to or, in the case of the vapid, petty people who run dogsbite.org, actively choose to ignore. I've been bitten by a pomeranian and a yorkie, and my sister was bitten by a chihuahua. I know a lot of owners of little dogs who get nipped by their pets regularly, for no reason at all. I'm not bashing little dog breeds, but there are quite a few of them who are just plain batshit crazy, not because of bred temperament, but because they're not raised properly. Dogs need to experience discipline, boundaries, and acknowledge the authority of their master. Owners of little dogs usually don't provide enough of this kind of training because their pets are so small. Even if they do show aggression, prey drive, biting, herding, or guarding, it's just cute and doesn't appear to be a problem. So no one fixes it. It's clear from such examples that any dog that is improperly handled will become unstable, from massive mastiff to useless yorkie. Pits were not bred to be crazy killing machines. In fact, it's not how ANY dogs were bred. Dogs were domesticated from the wild so that they would contribute positively to human society, not kill us all.

Dogsbite.org isn't just mean. It's short-sighted, misinformed, and worst of all, LOUD about their misinformedness. Someone should sic a dog on them or something. Just kidding.

I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE COFFEE

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!